Confessions of a Broken Leader
A few years ago, I found myself feeling crushed by life--a big leadership role at work and high performance expectations coupled with the demands of a growing family left me cranky, stressed, worn out, and pretty much un-fun to be around. I'd accepted an ill-fitting burden called "the American dream" and mixed it with some Jesus stuff and come up with my own gospel narrative that goes something like this: I work hard; therefore, I find success.
Success in my mind meant a nice house, healthy family, great job where people think I'm amazing and I get to do work that is significant in my eyes and the eyes of other Christians. It sounds awful as I write it, but that's basically what I thought. (Alright, I still battle the temptation today).
But this gospel, my gospel, wasn't working. I was unhappy and making others around me unhappy. And I was facing a bunch of questions.
How can someone who is driven to achieve, desires to make a difference, and excels at strategy keep from pursuing her vision at the expense of what matters most?
How does someone who is wired with the gift of service and a desire to contribute to the happiness and wellbeing of others live out that calling without letting other people’s opinions falsely shape his sense of self?
How can ministry or business teams function well, recognizing the uniqueness of each member, creating room for mercy and grace while striving for excellence and measurable progress?
Furthermore, how does Jesus expect us to reconcile these two seemingly conflicting statements?
“in repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength”
“go and make disciples of all the nations”
When I needed it most, Jesus reached through my fog and brought me, not answers, but some helpful tools through my favorite pastor, Craig Babb at Rhythm of Grace ministries. These tools have so changed my paradigm of what it means to be a follower of Christ and a "leader" that I want to share with you. In fact, I don't think of it as leadership at all but more "followership".
First, it starts with hearing the words of Jesus in his Great Invitation in Matthew 11:28:
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
What a huge relief! Jesus knows how I feel. I am tired. I am worn out from trying to "behave" like a Christian should. From trying to lead well and do the things people need from me. From striving to be the person I want everyone to think I am.
My striving can cease when I trust the outcomes and impact to the only One who can actually bring it about. When I go to work with Him instead of on my own, I find freedom and the fruit that I was unable to produce on my own.
Another teaching that gives me great strength for "followership" comes from a metaphor of "Pitcher/Cup/Saucer/Plate".
Life as a follower of Christ - whether we’re leading a ministry, working in a giant corporation, part of a local church, or stewarding a family – is meant to follow a certain pattern of relationships. Picture a teacup sitting on a saucer that is sitting on a plate. There’s a pitcher of water next to it all. The pitcher is continually pouring out into the cup. Only from the overflow of the cup does the saucer, and then in turn the plate, get filled.
The pitcher represents the Spirit of God pouring into each individual through spiritual practices that allow us to be daily filled up (silence/solitude, reading Scripture, confession, etc). The overflow of His life in us, allows us to love others in our sphere of influence…the saucer. A healthy functioning saucer—your church body, work team, family—can overflow to the world. That’s the mission of our enterprises represented in the plate.
It has to work in this way:
Individuals filled up to overflowing by their Maker
form a team of healthy people working together in harmony
to impact the world.
Getting it in any other order makes for burned out leaders or unhealthy, dysfunctional, ineffective teams. At Impact Foundation, we work hard to keep this metaphor in mind. It shapes our core values, which influence our decisions. We talk about pitcher/cup in board meetings and staff planning days. The metaphor shapes our practices, as we pray together daily and encourage one another to take regular retreat days.
We aren’t perfect at executing on this, but we’ll keep trying.
